I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
