you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
