I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
