living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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