We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
