don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
