So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
