onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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