I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
