When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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