i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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