he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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