What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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