Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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