He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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