Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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