We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
