One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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