saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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