I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
