So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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