I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
