Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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