While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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