Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
