I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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