State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
