i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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