Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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