He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
