I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
