I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
