god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
