There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
