I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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