well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
