Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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