I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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