Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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