my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
