margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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