i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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