Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
