we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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