we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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