I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
