I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
