hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
