Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
