So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
