i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
