i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
