SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
