You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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