How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
